Squidward Private Eye Draft Transcript
Squidward Private Eye Squidward: whistling Ladadeem ladadam ladadoo. Ah. My fresh lazagna. Nice and warm! SpongeBob: in SQUIDWARD! Squidward: WHAT! SpongeBob: Uh.... Hi! Squidward: GO AWAY! SpongeBob: Squidward, my friend who lives in rock bottom went missing after his dog ran away. So, could you help me. Squidward: Sorry SpongeBob, no can do. I have better plans. Plus, I'm not a detective. SpongeBob: Yes you were. You solved a case of when your clarinet disappeared and eventually found out that some jellyfish stole it. Squidward: Oh yeah. I was "Squidward, the Jazz Detective!" SpongeBob: So, could you help me? Squidward: Look, the reason I was a detective back then was because I needed my clarinet. It bothered me that it was missing so I searched for it. In this case, it doesn't affect me whatsoever that some random ammature is lost with his dog. SpongeBob: But I helped you solved the case before. Me and Patrick and it didn't effect us whatsoever. Squidward: True. SpongeBob: PLEASE SQUIDWARD! sobbing please! Squidward: OKAY FINE! Just promise not to bother me again! Got it? SpongeBob: Okay. turns black and white Squidward: in deep voice It was a day unlike any other. The sky was dark and everything looked so plain. A fish went missing and we must retrieve him. SpongeBob: So.... Off to Rock Bottom now! Squidward: How are we supposed to go there?! SpongeBob: By taking the bus! makes a horn sound Bus driver: All aboard! Train conductor: Hey! That's my line! SpongeBob: Squidward, you got any money? I'm broke. Squidward: This is coming out of your paycheck, 'kay Sponge! hands the cash to the bus driver and the bus starts moving down a steep 180 degree road. Everyone: AHAHHHHHHHHH!! WE'RE FALLING! The bus landed and made a thunderous sound wave! SpongeBob: Ah, we're here! Squidward: This is Rock Bottom? SpongeBob: Yup!. We're here. Squidward: Oh. It's so dark! Is there a blackout or something? Why is it so dark? SpongeBob: Because it just is. It's rock bottom, like literally.! Rock bottom native: noise hi noise there! Squidward: Ugh. You're disgusting! SpongeBob: Aloha, noise there! Anyway, let's continue this way. No time to lose at all chatting to these aliens and exotic creatures. hear a snoring sound coming right ahead of them Patrick: snoring ABADABA! snoring Jellyfishing ha! snoring Dirty Dan and Pinhead Lary, you'll never win! ''sleeps snores SpongeBob: Patrick! What are you doing down here? Patrick: snoring Uh! Oh hi SpongeBob! I come down here on occasions to sleep under this nice and relatively large rock which I call a beautiful vacation home! SpongeBob: Oh cool! Anyway, what are you gonna eat for dinner! Squidward: HOLD IT! I thought we were tracking somebody SpongeBob, not having a relaxing hour with Patrick! After all, that's the deal, we find that person, then you pay me. I came all the way down here and I am not gonna stand here in the cold and watch you chat with Patrick. Let's go! SpongeBob: Sorry Squidward. I didn't know you felt that way. to Patrick Patrick, have you seen any suspicious characters walk past here? Or a dog? Patrick: Not to that I know of, no. Actually, wait a minute, I heard a dog running away from something. It went a that away! to right SpongeBob: Thanks old pal! Wanna help out? You can join and help us on our mission. Patrick: Nah, well.. maybe. Okay, fine! I'll help you. But let me just get some nachos from the vending machine first. [Walks to vending machine. Pays money and grabs a bag of nachos and walks back to the group.] Patrick: bag Alright troops! Let's go! SpongeBob: Squidward, you're eye glow in the dark! Squidward: They do?! SpongeBob: Yeah of course they do! Look in the mirror! Squidward a mirror Squidward: Woah! Patrick: Oh, Squidward has some unique, private eyes. Squidward the Private Eye detective! Squidward: unamused. Don't call me that please! walk and walk until they anticipate some strange sounds. Until, they stumble upon a familiar voice and appearance. Man Ray: Hehe. SpongeBob: Oh my! Man Ray?! Man Ray: Yes, that's me! And I have that fish you were looking for and that dog! HAHAHAAHAHA! You'll never stop me as I'm gonna fry this fish!. SpongeBob: Looks like there's only one thing to do! SpongeBob & Patrick: Mermaid Pants and Barnacle Star unite! Man Ray: Fools, you'll never stop me, fall into one of my traps haha!. SpongeBob: Look out, Patrick! Patrick: Whatttttt? grabs Patrick. SpongeBob: Oh no Patrick! Man Ray: Heads up Square One! SpongeBob: AHHHHHHH. Man Ray: Think fast Octopus! Squidward: Woah! dodges one of the traps but then jumps and tackles Man Ray. Squidward: Ha Man Ray! Never mess with an octopus! Lesson learned! starts dragging Man Ray Man Ray: Oh, this isn't supposed to happen! Fish: Yay! Thanks for saving me! Come here doggie! Squidward: No probs. Or should I say "No Problemo!" SpongeBob: Mission accomplished! Squidward: Now SpongeBob! Give me the money! SpongeBob: his pockets and discovers he's broke Oh no! running away Squidward: Come back here! chasing SpongeBob and the scene ends. French Narrator: A great montage and Squidward's eye and quick movements saved him and his friends. Ze' end!